Sir Billy quietly contemplating what to serve KiKi, his beloved Siamese, for lunch: salmon or cod


Readers: I post this important (and feline) interpretation of Shakepeare's Hamlet...

...because "meow, meow, meow, meow, meow" is—afterall—iambic pentameter.






Strumpet!

...what a marvelously tangy word, me thinks...

;)








•••••••••••

He reached out and touched me
With his beautiful searching hands

My heart’s become a galaxy
Open and free to explore








•••••••••••

This just in—


I am achy, feverish, and am having difficulty swallowing. My left ear hurts. Additionaly, I feel dizzy and in a malaise.

IOW...I am fairly certain that I have a flu.

Bother!

>:(





HOO-BOY!

;)


Signed up for this event a while ago...(*ahem*)...guess there's no backing out now...(*fusses nervously*)...

Yes, Thea and I shall come into our full mod glory this Wednesday night, peeps.

And we intend to bring the house down with plenty o' finger snappin'!

(*looks for intrepid boldness and courage*)

...it's around here somewhere...i just...know it is...hey, didn't i leave it on the counter by the fridge?!...it was just there!...i swear...it was just there!









•••••••••••

SO funny!

thx Dad!

...good times...good times...

:)













•••••••••••

You've read the poems. Or things that looked like poems, yet you weren't quite sure if they were poem, mineral or animal...

And perhaps you've said to yourself:

"Nice words there, D!...Now, what the h@$% are you talking about?!"


Well, Señor Julian Walker has invited 7 fellow Zaadzsters (including myself) to join him by participating in an official Zaadz Symposium re: Spiritual Emergence and the Kundalini Experience...



Here it is:

Riding the Kundalini Dragon: Integrating Altered States

The Zymposium is an online community event in which a group of presenters take turns blogging on their own pages on a specific topic. All the presenters - as well as whomever wants to jump in from the readership engage each day in a discussion (via the comments section of that blogpost) of that day's piece and the ideas/issues it raises.

Starting this coming Wednesday the 25th of July we will do three days of presenters. Then we'll take a break over the weekend and start up again on Monday July 30th through Friday August 3, for five more days of presentation.

This time around we have gone one better! We have 8 presenters who will post in the following order:

Wednesday 7/25: Julian
Thursday 7/26:      Delia
Friday 7/27:            Christiana
BREAK
Monday 7/30:       Michael
Tuesday 7/31:      Sa'Rah
Wednesday 8/1:  Daate
Thursday 8/2:       Mijit
Friday 8/3:            Jim



Official symposium description excerpt from Julian's Blog:

For Z2 I have chosen presenters who have written intelligently about altered states of consciousness,  deep transformational process, serious spiritual practice and/or energetic initiation of the kind generally associated with the term “kundalini.”

From my perspective, kundalini is a mythic symbol/signifier that refers to the innate ability of the life-force to evolve, heal, purify and awaken itself - and this innate ability shows up in potent and undeniable ways via certain forms of yoga, bodywork, breathwork as well as in ecstatic dance, meditation, the use of psychoactive sacraments, and in some cases through spontaneous awakening. This is not a metaphysical belief or cool idea, it is a rather a direct, multi-faceted and potent experiential process. It is also a fast-track into the depths of the usually unconscious realms of the psyche. As such it is rich with light and dark, meaningful as well as distorting material in the form of archetype, somatic process, mythic symbol, intense emotion, trauma, ecstatic bliss, spiritual insight etc…

Under this definition I know that all of our 8 presenters know some aspect of the journey of Riding the Kundalini Dragon, and all 8 have had to explore what it means both practically and/or intellectually to go about Integrating Altered States.

I am hoping that we can begin by creating a safe and sacred space for deep exploration and candid sharing - and ask that readers and commenters respect the vunerability involved in bringing these kind of numinous, potent and often enigmatic experiences into the light of day….



As it regards my participation as a contributor to the symposium:


Just One Drop

It is said that just one drop of divine ecstasy, just one drop of Truth, can change you forever.

Pure and simple. Truth.

When I was 21, I experienced a spontaneous kundalini awakening that has inexplicably transformed my life and how I move through it. In this life, I had no prepatory religious or cultural training for this spiritual emergence and was immediately compelled to become open, adaptable and resourceful—flowing with this awakened and intelligent energy.

I also learned the necessity of being compassionate. And patient. And grounded. And strong.

Essentially...I had a lot to learn.

And...a lot to un-learn.

A lot.

Until this time, I have not discussed details of my personal kundalini experience directly within a public forum. Some descriptive aspects of my awakening I do intend to honor as private, yet I will share honestly what I can with respect, compassion, and trust.

It's a real "full circle" for me to be able to offer my perspectives on kundalini and spiritual emergence within such a grounded, heart-centered and informed collective of contributors. And I am grateful to share what I can regarding my own healing evolution and continuing human initiation into the divine.

I look forward to reading what our fellow symposium contributors post, and I hope that as you read this blog post, you will consider joining us as participants in this beautiful and engaging symposium. It's a warm and generous forum. Comments are wide open for discussion and welcome, welcome, welcome.


An Shen ~ Da Qi,

delia







•••••••••••

First Up to Contribute: Julian Walker


It Begins

”Our normal waking consciousness, rational consciousness as we call it, is but one special type of consciousness, whilst all about it, parted from it by the filmiest of screens, there lie potential forms of consciousness entirely different. We may go through life without suspecting their existence; but apply the right stimulus, and at a touch they are there is all their completeness…

No account of the universe in its totality can be final which leaves these other forms of consciousness quite disregarded.  How to regard them is the question…”

        William James The Varieties of Religious Experience, p. 388


Energy and Consciousness: Stay tuned for an amazing dialog on energy, altered states, healing, kundalini, sexuality, psychology and spirituality! This is Part One of an eight part Zaadz symposium (Zymposium) that runs from Wednesday July 25th through Friday August 3rd - with a break over the weekend.

Wednesday 7/25: Julian
Thursday 7/26:      Delia
Friday 7/27:            Christiana
BREAK
Monday 7/30:       Michael
Tuesday 7/31:      Sa'Rah
Wednesday 8/1:  Daate
Thursday 8/2:       Mijit
Friday 8/3:            Jim







•••••••••••

In 1967 Gopi Krishna published his first major book in India, Kundalini--The Evolutionary Energy in Man (currently available under the title Living With Kundalini). Shortly thereafter it was published in Great Britain and the United States and has since appeared in eleven major languages. The book presented to the Western world for the first time a clear and concise autobiographical account of the phenomenon of the forceful awakening of Kundalini, which he had experienced in 1937, and the long process by which he eventually attained the perennially transformed or sahaja state of consciousness. This book, and the sixteen other published works by Gopi Krishna have generated a steadily growing interest in the subjects of consciousness and the evolution of the brain. He also traveled extensively in Europe and North America, during the last seventeen years of his life, energetically presenting his theories to scientists, scholars, researchers and others. Gopi Krishna's experiences led him to hypothesize that there is a biological mechanism in the human body, known from ancient times in India as Kundalini, which is responsible for creativity, genius, psychic abilities, religious and mystical experiences, as well as some types of aberrant mental states. He asserted that ignorance of the workings of this evolutionary mechanism was the main reason for the present dangerous state of world. Gopi Krishna passed away in July, 1984.


The purpose of this post is to provide various excerpts from Gopi Krishna's excellent booklet, A Kundalini Catechism, where he comments on the process of spiritual emergence and the bioenergetic evolution of humans. The excerpts where drawn from various sections of the booklet and quotes are not in precise order. I have arranged them in a categorical manner, and have seperated each quote with a line space. At the end of the post, I also include a summarized personal account written by  GK regarding his own personal Kundalini awakening.

It is my intention to post this pertinent material in an effort to create stimulus for discussion within this symposium, as well as provide a basis for the context of describing aspects of my own Kundalini awakening, which I will discuss in my symposium post.

Also, here is Julian Walker's essential caveat to reading the writings of Gopi Krishna in depth. In reading these writings, please draw upon what is useful and resonant, while kindly allowing for any cultural/religious variances that may arise.

Julian's observations:

I said earlier that I always recommended Gopi Krishna's classic book on Kundalini with a disclaimer/caveat. the reason for this is that Krishn'as experience as recounted in the book is terrifying and somewhat psychotic in places and I have my own theory regarding this aspect of the book.

•    He had no physical practice to keep him grounded and facilitate processing the powerful energy that was washing though him.

•    (In predictably culturally influenced ways) He reveals a very puritanical attitude toward sexuality and...

•    A very stoic attitude toward emotions. ( So neither his sexuality nor his emotions were outlets for expression, release and relief - they were held in dualistic regard as not being sacred or part of the process. Danger!)

•    He felt he had to hide his experience from others. ( A set-up for deepening alienation and paranoia.)

•    He had no guidance and no community.

This is a perfect set-up for a pretty bumpy ride. Lots of repression and very little resource - his journey really is very traumatic. That said it is still an eloquent and powerful account of energetic initiation and deep self-realization.

There are many great reading sources for the Kundalini experience. This is only one of them. In addition to Gopi Krishna, here are some additional authors I can personally recommend regarding Kundalini and Spiritual Psychology:

Gopi Krishna:
       Living with Kundalini
       A Kundalini Catechism
       The Purpose of Yoga (might be out of print)

Lee Sanella: (most of his work is unfortunately out of print and challenging to find)
       Kundalini: Transcendence or Psychosis

Swami Muktananda:
       Play of Consciousness
       Where are You Going?

Yogananda Paramahamsa:
       Autobiography of a Yogi

Wayne Muller:
       Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood

Adyashanti:
       The Impact of Awakening

Connie Zweig:
        Romancing the Shadow

Additionally, here is a video of Gopi Krishna that Julian provided in his symposium post today. In the video, GK discusses Kundalini and his personal awakening experiences.



EXCERPTS FROM A KUNDALINI CATECHISM

On Methods of Awakening Kundalini Energy:

Fixation of attention in deep study, be it of a book, of the heavens, or of any natural occurence, is the natural method for accelerating evolution and, side by side with this, of stirring up and awakening Kundalini.

In such cases (...of ripened seekers...), when the pressure of the brain becomes so great that they find no happiness in normal life, it sometimes becomes necessary to use artificial methods to arouse Kundalini.

Meditation, combined with restrained breathing, presses on a region in the brain situated below the crown of the head. When this region starts to function, it forces Kundalini to send streams of energy to feed it.



The Physiological Basis for the Religious Impulse:

Modern science has not been able to offer any explanation for the existence of the religious impulse in the human race. Actually, the religious impulse is the evolutionary urge in man an it is one of the basic urges which unfortunately science has overlooked so far. The physiological basis of this impulse is Kundalini in the same way as the reproductive system is the basis for the sexual urge in man.

...the goal of all religions is certainly one, and that is to have a higher state of consciousness, which is nearer to God.

[This does not necessarily mean that all religions attain that goal or are even close by any measure. Yet, his firm perspective is one that the goal of the evolutionary impulse that is religion is to attain God consciousness, which is to say, a higher consciousness.]



On scientific study of Kundalini and the nature of Reality:

...science is irresistibly coming to the conclusion that the observed phenomena of the physical world cannot be separated from the observer. Since insentient matter has no awareness of itself, we have to look for another Reality that can function as the 'observer' and the 'observed' both. As matter is incapable of performing this dual role, we are left with 'consciousness' as the only 'Reality' to search for. The conclusion is clear, therefore, that the Universe is consciousness divided into the 'knower' and the 'known,' or the 'observer' and the 'observed.'



Kundalini and the Brain:

Every activity in the body is inter-linked with the activity of the brain. It i when the superconscious centre in the brain is stimulated that pressure is exerted on Kundalini to send up the energy to feed the centre.

It enters the upper region of the brain through the spinal canal. The head is filled with it, and the consciousness of the individual begins to expand in a marvellous manner. It grows wider and wider and, after a while, the observing ego finds itself floating like a bubble on a lustrous conscious ocean of vast dimensions.

...ordinarily the awakening is attended by disturbances of the nervous system, resulting from the passage of a higher form of energy through the delicate nerves. It takes some time for the brain and the nerves to get accustomed to this flow of the radiant force. When this adjustment is made, the individual lives in a state of illumination.

...it is necessary for man's life and sanity that it rises through the central canal. If the awakening is slight, and it rises in one or the other channel, it will cause disturbances of the mind and body and maybe even disease. If the awakening is powerful, it may cause insanity or even death.



Here GK describes what happens in the event the awakened person does not have a fully developed nervous system:

After having entered the brain for some time, the flow of the energy ceases, and then the individual returns to his normal consciousness. After some time, he takes it up again. So his experience is interrupted and he remains in a state of fluctuation between superconsiousness and normal consiousness.



When asked how he came to the conclusion that Kundalini is the evolutionary mechanism in the human body, GK replied:

The conclusion is simple and follows the direction of the phenomena observed. Transformation of personality, as a result of religious striving and various spiritual exercises, is a well-recognized possibility and is mentioned in almost all the scriptures of the world. This transformation must have a psychosomatic basis in the body which is powerful enough to alter the functions of the cerebrospinal system and other organs to produces a higher state of consciousness. As the phenomena associated with Kundalini point to a radical transformation of personality, it is obvious that the basis of evolution is Kundalini.



Healthy Development of Kundalini:

There are many factors necessary for the healthy development of Kundalini. The main are 1) an earnest desire to experience God or the Power behind the universe; 2) love and benevolence towards all mankind; 3) devotion to ideals; 4) a disciplined life; 5) conquest of ego.



On the transformation of personality and development of character:

It should be apparent to any impartial observer who has grasped the significance of this evolution that the very fact that man evolves towards a higher state of consciousness carries with it the responsibility that in order to equip himself for that higher stage he has to follow a way of life that is favorable and not inimical to his inner development. This means that side by side with his intellectual development this moral and spiritual growth should also proceed in such a manner that a harmonious personality, combining all three aspects of intellect, morals and will, comes to fruition, resulting in the emergence of what Heaven intends the future human being to be—the enlightened Cosmic Man or Woman.



I really enjoyed the creativity of GK's following physiological hypothesis regarding emotions:

There are some substances which when we throw them on the fire lend different colours to the flame. In the same way there are organic compounds secreted by the body, especially the glands, which, when they mingle with prana and flood the brain, cause different kinds of emotions. In its real nature, the soul is eternally pure and free of anger, lust or passion.



GK's Perspectives on the chakras also seems to be right on:

Because of the secret of Kundalini was kept closely guarded, the ancient treatises on the subject are written in a veiled language. Moreover, in ancient times it was customary to write about such subjects in a figurative language. If you read the books on surgery and medicine by ancient Indian authors, you will find that at some places they have made similar figurative statements about the interior of the body. In the case of Kundalini, as soon as the awakening occurs the initiate is astounded by the movement of the lustrous energy through the nervous system. At those places on the spinal cord where there are concentrations of nerves or plexuses, this lustrous energy moves with a circular motion that conveys the impression of a chakra, which means a circle.



On dreams:

There is no reason why dreams should be an inseparable part of our nocturnal existence. They provide irrefutable evidence that consciousness persists in the dream state and even in dreamless sleep, for when awakened suddenly, people often wake up with a brief remembrance of the last fragment of a dream they had just been witnessing. If the mind were a product of the brain, awareness would be switched off when the body falls into repose and the sensory contact with the world would be lost. But it is neither the brain nor the body but mind which holds the reins of the organism, controlling its movements both voluntary and autonomous from first to last.

It is socially acceptable to have dreams, which are of a mystical nature. Yet it has not been fully socially acceptable to have visions, extra-sensory experiences, and psychic phenomena. Thus the arguable categorization of mental illness made by modern society for one undergoing a Kundalini experience. Is waking mystical experience not simply an extension of dream-like phenomena? Is waking mystical experience not manifest upon a continuum of consciousness? My experience tells me that it is. And my experience also tells me that waking mystical experience is quite normal and acceptable.



As it concerns mental illness, GK states the following:

Yes, I believe a fairly large number of mental patients are the victims of an unhealthy Kundalini. The development of an embryo in the womb is a divine process, but all the same, some children are born deformed or mentally deranged. There are certain subtle laws of life that govern the destiny of indiviuals which future enlightened men and women will discover and reveal to mankind from time to time. For the purpose of your question, it is enough to say that the evolutionary function of Kundalini is no different from the reproductive function in this respect, that just as in birth we have deformities and derangements, so in the awakening of Kundalini we have the same abnormal and unhealthy manifestations, in some cases.



On care of the individual once the individual has awakened:

The awakening, as I've already mentioned, is of two kinds, one gradual and the other sudden. When the new energy rushes to the brain, it creates a higher state of consciousness soon after the arounsal. In this case, the candidate has to exert himself in all directions; primarily he has to be attentive to his food and to keep his mind in a state of equilibrium. If he fails to attend to these essential requirements the result can be disastrous. His stomach should never be empty, for example, and he has to take a light meal after every three hours and sometimes even more frequently to make up for the tremendous expenditure of energy needed for the transformation and the adustment of the brain and nervous system.

At this time, he can be compared to an athlete preparing for a contest. In fact, he has to be much more careful about his diet and behavior in order to save his life and sanity. The constant presence of the teacher is absolutely necessary at this critical time.

In various Tantras, the ancient manuals dealing with this aspect of Yoga, the use of animal foods is advocated in the case of initiates arousing Kundalini. This fact has brought the Shakti cult into disrepute. Actually, this injuction is meant to meet a most important biological need of the initiate through the critical period of the awakening and even later on throughout his life. Because in his case a larger consumption of prana becomes necessary to maintain a highly extended state of consciousness. A regulated supply of concentrated food, suited to his digestion, is absolutely necessary.

It is easy to understand that metabolic processes in an adult, aimed to bring about radical changes in the cerebrospinal system to adjust it to a higher state of consciousness, cannot function at all without proper nourishment to maintain the strength of the body.

In the case of a spontaneous awakening, even if the energy is benignly disposed, serious mistakes made in diet can lead to mental disorder. During this period, the seminal energy is produced in abundance to nourish the brain and the nerves. For this increased production of sex energy to save the brain, nourishing food at proper intervals is of paramount importance. A man or woman, aspiring for superconsciousness, stands in need of the greatest care in respect of diet and other things...



GK's comments on the actual experience of awakening:

Extraordinary phenomena occur in the brain. I would not be believed if I were to narrate all the experiences I have undergone and am therefore reserved on the subject. Future investigators will add to the facts I am stating. From the very beginning, the whole head is filled with a lustrous glow and a stream of energy pours into it through the spinal canal. Every part of the brain is flooded with an indescribable light, fantastic visions and super-sensible experiences become a common feature of the heightened consciousness. The individual becomes aware of the immortal and the indescribable nature of his own consciousness which, to use a simile, from the faint glimmer of a glow-worm is transformed into the glorious radiance of the sun.

Concentrated vital energy from all parts of the body, even from the toes and fingers, is felt flowing through all the nerves coming together in the spinal cord and then rising as a stream of blissful nectar into the highest center of the brain. The sensation is indescribable. The brain is now flooded with such a highly powerful and nourishing stream of vital energy that its function is immensely magnified; and soon contacts are established between the individual and most amazing planes of Cosmic Consciousness.

The superconscious state may become a permanent feature of the aspirant or the energy, after carrying him or her to a higher state of consciousness, may also bring him or her back to the normal state until the system is able to maintain the flow of the prana to the brain continuously.

...the periods of ascension of the energy are the periods of ecstasy and exaltation and its absence the periods of gloom and even depression. This marked phase in the lives of great mystics is a most pronounced feature indicating the action of some Divine Force on the brain. If it were not so, the experience would be continuous and of the same uniform character in every case.

If the total activity of all organs of the body and the cerebrospinal system is not co-related in a manner as to create a healthy condition of the concentrated prana that rises to the brain, then Kundalini is not benignly disposed, and instead of becoming blissful, the experience becomes painful and even terrifying. It is essential that the state of the body is conducive to the production of pure prana.

Anyone who has the imagination to form a picture of the stupendous nature of the universe should at once discard any anthropomorphic conception of the Almighty. Will, desire, longing and the like are attributes of our own mental attributes of God. The universe, both the material and the superphysical, is bound by laws. Though all that happens is His Creation and His Play, relatively, on the human sphere, we have to accept responsibility for our acts.

Yes, the absolute is beyond the duality of the human and the divine.

...there is virtually no relationship between the mystical experience and the universe as we see it with our normal vision, nor is there any link between what scientists say about the physical world or its constituents. What mystical experience actually reveals is the majesty of the mind—its sovereign and immortal nature, its infinite expanse. There is absolutely nothing which would remind one of what the physicists say about the 'energy fields,' or about quarks, subnuclear particles and the rest. I wonder how any wise scientists can treat the latest theories of physics on a par with mystical experience or even correlate the two.



GK on physical death:

The problem of survival after physical death is not so easy to tackle as some have attempted to do. We are lost in speculation about the possibility of survival of the mind or consciousness, after the dissolution of the human brain, because the mind, too, is a form of energy. But it belongs to another plane of creation. This energy is so different from all that we know about matter and so remote from our ideas about being, that it is impossible for us to detect it apart from the organic instrument through which it manifests itself, or to have even a clear conception of it in the same way that we conceive of matter or its energies. Our indwelling soul, the only mirror which reflects the cosmos and lends substance to it, is itself unfathomable and undepictable. It is made of a stuff that has no counter part in the physical universe.

It is not possible for an embodied mind to know [what form consciousness assumes in the unembodied state, after it is severed from the brain]. This is the point where some of the beliefs expressed in the religious scriptures or spiritual traditions fail to satisfy the doubts that arise in a critical intellect. Those who believe in the survival of the soul, after death, often project a picture of their personality in the full glory and vigor of the prime of life, assuming that it will be their perpetual state of being in the after-life.

The only answer is that the soul manifests itself in conformity to the growing and then declining capacity of the brain. It means that the soul builds up its earthly mould in accordance with the role which it is predestined to act upon the earth by its karmic inheritance of the past.


GOPI KRISHNA'S ACCOUNT OF HIS PERSONAL KUNDALINI AWAKENING
                                                                                    from A Kundalini Catechism


The first symptom of the awakening that I experienced at the age of 34 was a sensation of light in the head. It was not as if I was seeing the light or that I had an inner vision of light, rather, it seemed as if a stream of liquid light was entering my brain. It has not disappeared during all these years and still persists today.

During the first days, it was distracting, but slowly it began to acquire an enrapturing condition, and now it is fascinating to a degree which I am not able to express. From the very day when I sat down to meditate, and when the power was aroused, it was this stream of liquid light that had started to enter my brain. I felt it moving through all my nervous system, in my stomach, in my heart, in my lungs, in my throat, in my head, and taking control of the whole body. That was a most marvelous experience from me, as if a new life energy had now taken possession of my body.

It was intelligent, purposeful, an energy that knew what had to be achieved and which was aware of all the conditions, rhythms and effects of my body. It knew every organ intimately and behaved in that manner, continuing to sustain me through every day. For months and years, I thought I was perhaps heading for a lunatic asylum. This same experience is mentioned in many ancient esoteric books. It is described in Sundalarhi, perhaps one of the most authoritative books on this subject. It is a beautiful piece of poetry, and it has its own authentic value. Shankaracharya expresses his humble submission to the same power to which he attributes his life and all that he has gained, his genius, his breath, and everything that he owns on earth.

The moment this energy begins to circulate in the body, ones pride falls to the ground and he or she sees for the first time that he/she is not the master of the body, that there is a life energy, super-intelligent and loving as a mother. That is the reason why this energy is always addressed as a mother, the mother of the world and the mother of the human system. In Panchastavi, another very ancient poem on this same subject, it is also called mother...

...It took twelve years of daily remodeling for me to reach a new dimension, where I could be certain that a very radical change had occurred in my interior, and all the while, I was watching it helplessly as it acted in my body. Specifically, some of the changes I noticed taking place were, from the very start, I was day and night living in light. The bioenergy that feeds our brain is not visible in the normal individual, but after the awakening it becomes distinctly perceptible.

Suppose you try to visualize New York City and you then see it in the normal way. But now if I try to visualize New York, I see it bathed in light against a bright background in the back of my head. My imagination is virtually glowing like an ever burning light, and all my thoughts, all my reasoning, all my calculation, is done in this light. So there is a radical change in the mental stuff and one lives in a world of light. The very first verses of Panchastavi makes this clear by calling the energy by two names—the abode of light and the abode of sound—and both are present in me. I constantly have music in my ears. Constantly I hear a sound like the murmur of bees, or like bells that are ringing at a distance, or like a stream that is gently flowing. It is beautiful music, always present in my ear, and an effulgent light is always present in the back of my head. It pervades my visual field of perception, both internally and externally; internally in dreams, internally when I am imagining something, and even internally when I turn my attention inward. Or if I close my eyes I see a starry sky glowing, just as on a clear night you see a sky shimmering with starlight. When I turn my vision outward on the world, I see everything bathed in a silvery light, like an enchanted place.

The light and the sound are the two most prominent signs of a spiritual awakening, or in Christian terms, of a spiritual rebirth; also inspiration and revelation. They are considered to be the signs of one being born again. In all the authoritative books on spiritual or mystical experience, these symptoms, including bliss and inner happiness, are mentioned repeatedly. There is an ever-welling fountain or happiness. This is one thing, the other is that it is attended by music in the ears and light in the head, an entrancing and absorbing light. Then there are also deeper insights, knowledge, inspiration and poetry. In some it may be art or it may be sculpture, etc. They come spontaneously. These creative gifts come from inside, even if one has had absolutely no attachment nor any aptitude or predilection for such things...

...There are two phases to the spiritual awakening. The first is when the energy is working to adjust the inner organs and the brain to the new condition. During that period, any physiologist can see an unusual activity going on in the body. For years my pulse rate was about 100, just like a baby's. And then my appetite increased during one period to an enormous extent, so that I could eat about ten times what I was normally eating. But during those days the body had already been adjusted to some extent, and my elimination remained normal. I gained weight, of course. but at the same time, what was more important is that I survived. I survived through I had made a mistake. I had again begun to meditate, though my body was not yet adjusted to the former awakening. Somehow I started to meditate anyway, and I opened the center in the brain even further. Now, the opening of this center needs a greater flow of the new bioenergy, otherwise there is either insanity or death.

...When we have an infection, the body tries to throw it out, and the organs work with increased activity; there is higher temperature and the heart beats faster. It is the same after the awakening. In the beginning stages, it seems as if a foreign element has entered the body, and the reaction follows. Ultimately, there is a battle between the energy and the organs, and they are subdued. The nerves become accustomed to it and then a person again becomes normal. Now I am just like a normal person. I don't perceive the energy flowing through my nerves, because they have accustomed to it. In the beginning, however, the sensations were very acute and I was constantly disturbed.

In the case of insanity and psychosis, one always find the people affected complaining of sensations—burning, terrible lights, fire, noises. That means the prana is in a morbid state, when the nervous system is not in proper order, or when the heredity is not favorable, or when the person's life is not well disciplined. Then the bioenergy or prana, now flowing, is unable to adjust the body. I passed through almost every stage during the course of my experience. One thing was of great importance: Heaven bestowed on me a tremendous power of mental endurance. Every day I witnessed in my own self something which I could only ascribe to insanity. And yet something was assuring me, 'be patient, this will end in a beautiful way. You have to endure this torment for a short time.' This happened in dreams especially. When I was terribly agitated, all I had to do was recline on a bed. Then I would feel the silver energy going into my brain and soothing me, and I would soon fall asleep.

Somehow my system was already ripe for the experience. If it had not been so, I would not have survived...

...Sigmund Freud's concept of the libido is of a psychic energy drawn from the libidinous tendencies in human beings, that is, the reproductive energy. But only from a psychic point of view. He does not say that it has organic roots, although that is what Wilhelm Reich emphasizes, that the libido must have roots in the organic structure of the body.

Our organisms depend upon food, and there must be some way by which organic energy is transformed into psychic energy. Psychic energy is not purely chemical energy nor is it purely electrical energy. Science is not aware of how organic energy is transformed into psychic energy. Therefore, Freud's concept of libido was restricted only to its psychic sphere, and he gives no explanation nor description of its somatic base. In the seminal energy of man, i.e., in the seminal fluids, there are two ingredients. One has a subtle, volatile organic base which can at once be converted into a psychic energy of greater potency. It is this energy which streams into the brain in the form of liquid light. The other ingredient is the grosser biological part, and it also goes to the brain through the spinal canal, and there it supplies nourishment to the cells when the process of rejuvenation is going on.

What my experience tells me is that in the whole organic structure of the body, and in the cells, there is a vital element, and the nerves collect this vital element and concentrate it in the reproductive fluids, both in men and in women. When there is a spiritual awakening, a reverse action takes place, separating this vital element from the grosser elements, and as a radiation it then streams into the brain to give rise to the phenomena associated with mystical ecstasy.

For many years after my awakening, this light flowing into my brain presented a different picture of the world to me. I seemed to see everything whitish. It seemed as if the mirror—the observing mirror through which we observe the universe subjectively—had a sort of white dust on it. For instance, if I saw someone, or the clothes he or she was wearing, it appeared to me that there was a thick coat of a white substance on it. I could not understand or account for it for years. Then suddenly it began to get more and more refined, and finally it became a silvery light.

After that, I began to see everything in a silvery luster, both when I am asleep and when I am talking or thinking. So the whole mechanism and the stuff of the brain has changed. This is the most extraordinary thing that I would like to have scientists investigate and know about. And this is not peculiar to me only...There are repeated references to this light in the scriptures. The soul is always described as wearing a mantle of light. [e.g. halos, etc.]

...Above all, there is this upward flow of the sex energy and the upward orgasm. This is an absolutely clear indication that a sage in whom the reproductive system has started to function in the upward direction, will have it as his choice, even when he is meeting a woman, whether the emission should be outward or whether the energy will go upward...

...And there is the surprise, the awe and wonder of an experience that is not normal, that does not come to us in the ordinary course of life. There is also a sense of happiness and a sense of an extension of knowledge, as if we know the whole of the cosmos. In some cases, there are also visions of spiritual beings such as Christ, or Buddha, Krishna, Vishnu, or Allah.

But these other characteristics are almost always present, and in my case, they are perennially present.




•••••••••••

Riding the Kundalini Dragon Symposium: Days 2 & 3

What: The Zymposium is an online community event in which a group of presenters take turns blogging on their own pages on a specific topic. All the presenters - as well as whomever wants to jump in from the readership engage each day in a discussion (via the comments section of that blogpost) of that day's piece and the ideas/issues it raises.

When: Starting this coming Wednesday the 25th of July we will do three days of presenters. Then we'll take a break over the weekend and start up again on Monday July 30th through Friday August 3, for five more days of presentation.

Who: We have 8 presenters who will post in the following order:

Wednesday 7/25:    Julian
Thursday 7/26&27: Delia
Friday 7/27:              Christiana
BREAK
Monday 7/30:          Michael
Tuesday 7/31:         Sa'Rah
Wednesday 8/1:     Daate
Thursday 8/2:          Mijit
Friday 8/3:               Jim



Riding the Kundalini Dragon Symposium: Days 2 & 3


Riding the Dragon, Writing the Serpent

As I contemplate how to present written material that is meaningful for myself and others regarding Kundalini and spiritual emergence, I find myself smiling quietly and simply appreciating what is. It has been many years since my initial awakening, and that has allowed me time, precious time, to assimilate that at once sudden and life-changing experience.

Despite the fact that years ago, I used to initially possess the itchy impulse and feisty urge to evangelize Kundalini, I currently find that desire no longer present. The sky needs no advertising.

What inspiration then, can I draw upon to fuel this symposium post—Riding the Kundalini Dragon: Integrating Altered States?

Hmm...well...I am going to start by opening up all my chakras, contacting numerous multi-dimensional deities, and trans-channelling some questions that other folks may have about spontaneous energetic awakenings in order to employ said questions as prompts for written discussion. How's that sound?

;)

In truth, this essay likely reads a bit like a one-person Q & R session. And so I do ask that you, the reader, enjoy it with the same forgiving gusto and sense of joyful humor with which I composed it.

Good times! :)

In his brilliant and comprehensive symposium post yesterday, Julian refers briefly to Gopi Krishna as a good reading resource regarding spontaneous and sudden Kundalini awakenings. He also does so with a caveat regarding GK's traditionalist Vedantic views and repressive sexual and emotional tendencies that can at times seep into his writings.

On this matter, I agree with Julian. GK certainly could be interpreted that way, though he was probably not considered so within his native context; given the time and culture he was born into—within that context—GK was revolutionary. When I read Gopi Krishna's writings on social, religious or political matters, I have personally felt a rub at times. Still, let's not throw the baby out with the bath water. Gopi Krishna's writings saved my life.

(BTW, thanks so much for the link in yesterday's post to GK's interview video, Julian. I had never had the opportunity to see GK. It's really wonderful after all these years to actually see and hear the man!)

During the initial years of my spiritual emergence (A.K.A. Kundalini awakening), I often felt very alienated and separate. At times, defective.  It was so intense. When I came across GK's books, I felt deeply relieved. I felt finally assured that I would make it through to the happy and healthy end.

With that said, I have typed up some of my favorite quotes and excerpts from a booklet of GK's titled A Kundalini Catechism.

Gopi Krishna is very eloquent on the subject matter, and though I don't necessarily agree with all of his viewpoints regarding world change, religiousity, and sexuality—GK's courage to share his Kundalini experience so honestly helped me feel safe and understood through mine. He inspired me to go the distance. I honor him and am grateful for his work. His writings were my close companions during some very trying years.

Please, click here for a review of quotes from Gopi Krishna. I have created a blog post dedicated just to his writings from A Kundalini Catechism. They are a great review of the basics of what Kundalini is and how it functions within the body. My recommendation is to read the Gopi Krishna quotes first as a warm-up prior to reading my essay below. His writings will hopefully serve as a vital adjunct to this symposium, as well as, provide a basis for the context of the personal Kundalini experiences that I will share.

If there are words/terms/subjects you are not familiar with or are just curious about, please feel free to inquire in the comments section. Here are some links to resource some Sanskrit terms like:

Kundalini
Ida, Pingala, and Sushumna
Mudra
Kriya
Kirtan
Seva
Dharana
Vedantic
Shaivism
Shakti
Shaktipat

Additionally, feel free to discuss or ask me about anything from my essay in the comments section. If for any reason you feel that you require a more private space to share your questions or inquiries, just message me one-on-one, and I will reply as soon as I am able.
...




Initial Emergence and the Ongoing Experience

My Kundalini awakened spontaneously when I was 21. I am now 37.
 
So. How does Kundalini function within me currently—sixteen years later? Well, It took me many years to practice not fixating on Kundalini and all of her fireworks. It took me many years to be present in my body and in the material world once more with the volumes of light pouring through my body.

Think about the experience of getting into a very hot tub of water. You dab your toe in a bit. Then the foot. Then the leg. Perhaps, you withdraw it for a moment. Too hot. You're too sensitive to the temperature. Not quite yet ready. Then the leg back in. Then you sit. And so on and so forth. Until you are fully in the tub. You have adjusted to the bath water, and the temperature has likely become a bit more mild and welcoming with the passage of time. And so you float happily.

Currently, I float happily.

The temperature can be adjusted according to my practices like meditation, diet, dharana, devotion, chanting, etc. Yes, the temperature can be turned up to be quite hot. Yet I have more access to the knobs that control the flow now. In ancient Sanscrit texts these knobs would be referred to as Ida and Pingala, the two channels that encircle the main spiritual energy channel that runs up the spine—Sushumna. Ida and Pingala can be likened to moon and sun energies—one cooling and one warming. Sushumna can be likened to the middle knob that controls the channel wherein water flows down for a bath or upward for a shower.

In fact, I like this metaphor very much. It feels quite accurate.

Because sometimes, we need to relax and just float in a bath, and sometimes we really need a good awakening scrub in an invigorating shower.

For me there is this balance with the Kundalini energy of flowing both heavenward and towards earth.

(If the reader has the time/inclination I recommend reading up on the microcosmic orbitQi Gong texts; something by Mantak Chia might be a good place to start. The micro-cosmic orbit includes the concept of spiritual energy flowing downward as well as upward; some say, simultaneously described in .)

When my Kundalini first awakened spontaneously, I was drenched in a non-stop shower of light. It was amazingly invigorating to the body, mind and emotions. Yet, I eventually discovered that too much invigoration could be irritating and disturbing. Therefore, it became a conscious practice of mine to channel the energy in a different manner. One more akin to an earthward flow that is soothing and relaxing—more integrative and patient in nature.

So to respond to the original question: currently, I am very earthward with my energy. Lots of manifesting and being in the world. At the same time, this awakened energy flows into the world through me and with me. So when I am working, it becomes a meditation. When I am cooking or cleaning, it becomes a meditation. When I am with friends or family, that too is a meditation. There is a consistent awareness that I am energy existing in a material world with physical forms, and I am naturally drawn to connect with the energy I sense within form. Of course, there are also forms I choose not to connect with energetically. Just because there are thousands of stations on the radio, doesn't mean I enjoy listening to all of them. I find those that resonate with me and are conducive to supporting awakening spiritual energy, and tune into those necessarily.

Now that I have mentioned the "fireworks" of Kundalini. I am going to go ahead and complete that section upfront. Alright...



Fireworks

What can I say? They are amazing. There are no words.

Light. So much light.

There is this screen-saver program called Electric Sheep. It is a series of the most gorgeous patterns of light and color that morph and develop over time—continuously evolving. This screen-saver is free, and I recommend it highly. It is absolutely beautiful. The website for it has several samples available for viewing.

This is very much what the energetic light that I see looks like. Constantly evolving and full of the most exquisite colors. Yet, it is more beautiful than the screen-saver I just mentioned above—if you can imagine that. The light is three-dimensional. I can feel it. I can move through it. It moves through me. It envelops me.

Now some folks call this the third eye. This is what I can tell you. It does not matter whether I close my eyes or not. Seeing this light has nothing to do with cranial nerve II. It is extra-sensory. We call it "seeing," because there it is. Clear as day within the mind, within the consciousness. Yet I am aware that there are no physical little lights dancing around on my chair in my apartment or on the sidewalk outside. There is no illusion regarding this "sight." It is mystical, if we must use a word to define it. And it is extra-sensory.

Am I psychic?

I don't think so. I probably have those tendencies, as do many people. I don't think about it much. It doesn't really interest me currently.

So besides all the scintillating vibrating light, is there anything else?

Yes. During the first few months after the initial awakening occured, I heard sounds of a chime being struck. About 7 notes. It was so beautiful, I almost passed out. I just rolled around on the bed in a state of ecstasy for some time.

There have also been other occasions where I have smelled aromas that were clearly not from any physical source present in the room. These aromas were usually either tobacco or chocolate. Again, the smell was delicious, and accompanied a great bliss within me.

Over the years, I have experienced these extrasensory experiences frequently preceding, or conversely, proceeding from: states of ecstasy, bliss, or profound stillness/silence within myself. Yet they, themselves, are not states of ecstasy, bliss or profound stillness/silence. Consequently, feverish seeking of or attachment to extrasensory experience is ultimately not of lasting value to a true spiritual aspirant. Pretty colors and lights do not necessarily teach one compassion, patience, and courage. Mystical phenomena need not be confused with lines of higher spiritual development such as the formation of strong spiritual and moral character: genuine kindness, equanimity, and humility for instance.

The important thing to remember with all of this is that what makes these experiences so incredible initially is that they are extrasensory. I describe them as sight or sound or smell. Yet they are not so in the traditional physiological sense. I have read these experiences described as the "senses turned inward." And in a way, that is fairly accurate. It is as though the senses of the mind/body are now detecting something that is not physical/material and are seeking ways to describe it to the physical brain for interpretation. And so the experiences become "sight," "sound," and "smell"—languages we can understand and relate to as human beings with physical and sensorial bodies.



The Moment of Awakening

I can tell a little about my initial awakening. Some aspects I wish to honor as private.

First off, yes, there was a definite moment of awakening. And it was sudden. Essentially, the environmental circumstances were one of a virgin psychotropic situation where I was kindly invited to revisit my childhood under the pretenses that I would be able to do some regressive psychological healing.

(*soft chuckle*)

Little did I know...

I had no frame of reference for what happened next. I had not practiced hatha yoga, mantra, meditation, etc. a day in my life. And I had stopped going to my Southern Baptist (religion of origin) church six years prior due to the disillusioning activities of our preacher and choir director.

Yes, something entirely different than a past-regression session occured. Sure the usual features of a psychotropic experience manifested...and they were strange, pleasant, so on...no need to elucidate on that here.

At one point a distinct shift in my experience occured. I can recall it like it was 5 seconds ago. A sudden and powerful shift took place.

It was like my insides turned out, and I was plunged into a depth of space I had never known. I felt the most exquisite love I had ever felt. It was true joy and pure love. And it felt like one really super-concentrated drop of God within me.

And then a brilliant light shot up my spine and began to flow out the top of my head showering the entire room around me with iridescence. My breathing changed, my physical posture changed, and my hands went into mudras. Every in-breath felt like it lasted five minutes, and my lungs felt as though they were expanding outward infinitely into space.

I was stunned. I had no idea what was happening to me.

There were also visions. A flash of about ten or thirteen deities danced in front of me. They appeared in deep rich colors—reds and blacks and blues, and seemed to be Tibetan in form. They were not human. I also saw Christ in a simple, yet symbolic form—arms outstretched. And there was a vision of a green serpent coiling in a figure eight with its mouth holding onto its tail.

Over a few hours, the experience quieted in "volume." Yet, the light remained. When I looked inward, I could still see the serpent coiling in its figure eight. That remained.

So how did I respond to this initial awakening?

I became ravenous. In an instant, nothing mattered but this...whatever it was. That I had yet to discover.

My background spiritually had been one of being raised in a fundamental protestant religion (Southern Baptist). I had no cultural or religious referents for this tremendous mystical experience. So I began reading a much as I could. And also doing whatever I could to stay in that initial state of fireworks and bliss. I was very attached to the fireworks. ;)

Still, it didn't matter what I did as it concerned them. The fireworks were there regardless. Some activities and disciplines heightened their intensity and others calmed them. Again, the presence of this light and energy has remained with me ever since the day of my first awakening experience. Additionally I had the great good fortune to find a legitimate teacher to assist me and guide me with this unfolding process. And as I learned to nurture a much deeper desire within myself for spiritual healing, growth and development, I gradually let go of my sticky (yet understandable) attachment to the mystical phenomena that endure today.

Here are some of them:

Though I usually focus my energies on getting a solid eight hours sleep at night, Kundalini has afforded me the ability to lucid dream with heightened self-control and detailed recollection. I rarely employ this skill, yet do enjoy the occasional vivid dream recall just for fun.

Sometimes my sitting meditations are accompanied by extra-sensory visions or aromas. And as an example of the former, in meditation I am able to regularly see a very large glistening blue/green/purple eye in the region of the crown chakra that blinks ever so lovingly. And with each blink, a tear drop falls from that eye and spills gently into a pool of nectar that circles outward peacefully.

On occasion, visions of deities that I am devoted to and feel close to in my heart have visited me in dreams. For this, I am deeply moved and grateful.

And as stated previously, the beautiful evolving fractal patterns of light and color continue to dance and swirl and spin whether my eyes are closed or open—it makes no difference.

And...

I am still a person who gets up in the morning, eats her cereal, drinks her chocolate almond milk, brushes her teeth, and goes to work and school. I have bills to pay, books to read, people to love, and a life to live. I eat, I sleep, and I use the ladies room a few times each day. I like to hike and cook and watch South Park. And I also enjoy relaxin' with an artsy-craftsy project, having a cup of tea while chillin' with my friends, and kissing/hugging/spooning with my super-wonderful boyfriend as often as possible.

Why do I say all this?

Because the mystical fireworks can be extremely distracting, and even disturbing, at first. It takes time, patience, and perseverance to accept all this transforming light and energy, and continue to function as per usual in the material world...with ease and grace.

So...let me discuss briefly why I call the extrasensory experiences "fireworks."

I do so, because mystical phenomena and astral skills are still just phenomena. In and of themselves they hold no particular significance or meaning.

Are they beautiful? Frequently.

Are they inspiring? Often.

Are they astral commands from the 11th dimension of the secret 839th cosmowisdom-beings collectively known as Gadrimuk to gather unquestioning followers, so I can lead them to eternal enlightenment on a distant star in a far, far away galaxy? Umm...no. Definitively, no.

These extrasensorial/mystical experiences are no more miraculous or extraordinary than a rain shower falling on a grassy meadow. They are no more spectacular or beautiful than leaves changing colors in the Autumn. They are no more special or divine than a mother giving birth to a child. It is all phenomena. Glorious, glorious phenomena. All of it.

Rain showers and changing leaves and mothers giving birth to children do not stop us from living our lives as human beings and attending to our bodies, our friends, our families and our various responsibilities. Kundalini awakenings and all of their accompanying kriyas, therefore, are no exception either. Anyone who tells you that you are extra-special, spiritually advanced, and need to live an unnaturally heightened or cloistered life of cultural and/or religious exclusionism—is full of hooey and a likely charlatan.

I personally call the extra-sensorial experiences "fireworks," because it was all such new phenomena to me that it inspired the amazement and fascination a child experiences upon seeing her first viewing of fireworks exploding in the sky. I also call such experiences "fireworks," because Kundalini is a spiritual light and intelligent energy that illumines, heals and evolves the dark regions of our psychic beings. Usually, you don't see fireworks in the daylight. They are reserved for the night—the shadow.



Shadow Illumination

Has Kundalini has illuminated my shadow?

Oh, yes. That is affirmative. Before we discuss that further, however, I feel it is important to express my perspective on what is "shadow." Visualize, if you will, a black and white photograph. Recall one that is particularly lovely to you. Now, realize that if that entire picture and composition were light with no shadow whatsoever, there would be no image. No picture at all. In order to have a picture, a composition, we need shadow. We need it. It is essential. I cannot emphasize this enough. So many people have been eagerly engaging in digging up their shadow with the intention of "getting rid of it." Not such a great idea. It is important to understand and accept one's shadow—one's darkness. In fact, I would say that it is the shadow that shapes and gives root to our light. Shadow gives earth to our virtues and compassionate spiritual qualities.

So again, to respond to the question "Has Kundalini illuminated my shadow?"... The essence of what Kundalini is—pure energetic intelligent light—will of course, illuminate shadow. This is an important consideration. Kundalini necessitated doing much healing work with the psyche in my personal scenario, as I am certain it does with many people. Lots of healing work. And when I use the term healing, what I intend by it is: harmonizing and balancing—not getting rid of shadow. The intention is to accept, integrate and balance shadow into the whole—create a cohesive relationship and one-ness between what is human and what is divine.

Bringing light to the shadow also affords us the opportunity to unearth our true heart's desires. Unknown shadow aspects can do a dandy job of putting our heart's desires on indefinite quarantine—hidden beneath lacy darkened skirt hems that we have habitually avoided.

For example, I have a genuine desire to be honest with myself. How much time do we waste lying to ourselves about who we are and what we want? Eons? One of my genuine heart's desires to is develop gem-like discrimination and steadfast surrender to what is True. At the same time, I also have a deeply felt heart's desire to continually develop compassion and kindness towards myself and others. None of these spiritual inspirations/aspirations require that I experience one ounce of extrasensorial phenomena in order to attain them.

So then why all the fireworks?

I cannot say generally what that is for everyone who undergoes such an awakening. I can guess at what it might be for myself. Thus far, this ongoing collection of mystical experiences appears to have, at the very least, served the purpose of softening and expanding my formative intellect, which was very, very literal (fundamentalist upbringing...) and childlike. That is one aspect and one possibility. However, I have not analyzed the subject at length in this regards, so I hesitate to draw any conclusions, no matter how convenient.



Inevitable Transformation

Over time Kundalini can gradually, yet radically transform the personality. It is my personal perspective that this awakened spiritual energy is intelligent, evolutionary, and that is just what it inherently does—transform us.

Whether I liked it or not. And sometimes...I did not. Through this process, I have had to face myself—all parts—whether I liked it or not.

And though I can see that perspective as valid, I actually don't think of Kundalini awakenings as being "altered" states of consciousness as our symposium title infers. "Evolved" perhaps. "Expanded" possibly. "Illumined" yes. Altered somehow implies that the original was "perfect" or "better." Altered also evokes a sense that one can revert back to the prior mode of being. With an awakened Kundalini, I have not been able to accomplish this. Once awakened, there has been no "going back to sleep." No matter how hard I have tried. And believe me, I have tried.

See the "Matrix" film series? Well, I was the character who just wanted to be able to believe the juicy 10 oz steak and the sexy ladies at the restaurant were real again. I really, really wanted to go back to sleep.

Now, you may ask "Why?" Why would I want to go back to sleep? Especially after what I just described about my awakening being full of so much beauty and ecstasy and wonder. Why would I want that to end?

Oh, it wasn't the extrasensory bliss or beautiful well of inner love that I wanted to end. It was the outpouring a egoic psychic debris and shrapnel that lay around me in the wake of this sudden spiritual emergence. No longer could I crawl back inside old cultural and religious belief systems that were easy in their over-simplification of reality. No longer could I believe that acquiring recognition and fortune and "stuff" were the end-all-be-all of human endeavors. No longer could I believe that when I died, I would go to heaven (if I believed in Jesus) and get  a whole new perfect body and a mansion and a crown and continue being Delia and be with all my friends and family forever and ever. No longer could I believe that my ego was immortal. That sucked in a very painful way. Big time.

My beliefs. All of them. Were absolutely shattered. I had nothing. No matter how hard I tried, I could not genuinely and authentically believe and experience the world the way I had before. My persepective was transformed. I was absolutely in my Garden of Kundalini Eden...yes, blissful extrasensory experiences. Yet in this material world, in this physical world of shared consensus reality and as the individual—Delia. I had nothing. Armageddon had just passed through and bulldozed the architecture of my ego. All that remained was a desert of belief fall-out, desire shrapnel and persona debris.

That's where Kundalini transforming one's life comes in. My entire life and who I am as a person had to be rebuilt and reformed. And let me tell you. That is a lot of work in the case you are really, really fast asleep and cozy in your belief systems prior to awakening. Like I was.

So yes, there is the bliss...and there is the hell.

Someone culturally and religiously prepared for this type of spiritual emergence would likely fair better than I did, at least initially, is my guess. Still, my intention is to be honest in this discussion, and tell you that I was conflicted and I did experience suffering. I definitely spent at least half my time bemoaning my fate.

Think of it like getting new teeth. When the deciduous ones fall out, sometimes they're a bit stubborn and need to be pulled. Well, on the one hand. Yes, you want that old tooth out. Yet, holy crickets it hurts like a mother to get it yanked! That's kind of how it can be with old ego belief systems, values, and desires with a functioning Kundalini.

Also, the fact that the initial awakening was so profound and, yes the extrasensory fireworks were so bright, that I honestly had no choice but to sink or swim.

I suppose that I don't sound like most people that write books on Kundalini awakenings or teach about it. Umm. I don't worry about this too much. I think I might have before in the past. I don't anymore. To quote a famous sailor: I am what I am. ;)



Acceptance, Practice and Humility

Look, the only way I personally could have survived (and I mean that literally) a spiritual emergence of this suddenness and magnitude was to develop an amazing resilience, consistent trust, and a fabulous sense of humor. Those were the first three things that birthed within me during this transformation process. And necessarily so.

For about a year and a half, I could only sleep about 4 hours a night, hardly ate, experienced non-stop swirling lights and colors that did not stop when you turned the bedside lamp off. I needed assistance. And that is exactly what I sought out. I spoke to several monks at the time. And each one of them gave me similar advice. One was very specific. He said, "You need protein. Lots of protein. You need to exercise. Get sleep. Don't meditate so much. Five minutes a day is fine. You can chant, but only if there are drums involved, like a kirtan. Seva is okay. Pace yourself. For some people just a little meditation is so much. You are very sensitive to the Shakti right now. Just take care of yourself. And if all else fails. Eat chocolate. That will keep the Shakti busy, and allow your mind to rest a bit."

This might sound like silly advice. The chocolate business. But that is no joke. Chocolate works.

So essentially, my spiritual practice in my early twenties was:

1. Sleep 8 hours a night.
2. Eat 3 meals a day.
3. Hold a job.

Not very exotic.

I could not attend spiritual retreats, intensives, and the like. I was absolutely too sensitive.

When I did succumb to temptation, and attended such spiritual gatherings or meditated longer than a few minutes, the lights and colors would just explode. Physical kriyas would erupt spontaneously. I would sometimes become physically ill. And more than any of those—terrific fear would hound me ruthlessly.

Again, with light came shadow. And my shadow at the time was fear, fear, fear.

For about 3-5 years, I just did what I could to be in my body and function within the material world.

During this time, I temporarily relived many formative childhood events as Kundalini brought them to the surface for release. This was very scary and challenging. You can find a brief account of some of those childhood events here.

Extrasensory experiences can be frightening at first. They were even more so given the context of my background. I sought out an excellent and grounded spiritual counselor during that time to assist me with sorting out what was childhood recollection of extrasensory experience and what was current Kundalini kriya manifestations—what was past and what was present—what was healing and what was not. This required attentive and meticulous work to do what was essentially psycho-spiritual administration and organization. Filing and collating. Filing and collating. A good deal of my formative childhood years lacked structure. And I often felt at a loss for how to parent myself through my newly and spontaneously awakened life. There simply were no books on the topic. Except for Gopi Krishna's—God bless him every inch.



Kundalini Awakening = Healing Evolution

More than anything, Kundalini is a healing evolution. It is an opportunity to integrate, balance and harmonize. I am so immensely grateful that I have had the grace to receive this experience in its fullness and grow and evolve as a spiritual being into depths of existence I had not previously even imagined existed.

Nothing can add to this experience. It stands alone. As a dear friend of mine says, "One does not worship the Buddha. By exalting the Buddha, we cannot make the Buddha anymore Buddha. Buddha is Buddha."

And Kundalini is Kundalini.

I feel strongly that many cases (not all, yet many) of physical and mental illness are challenged Kundalini awakenings in need of appropriate guidance and assistance. I feel that within a compassionate cultural context and welcoming paradigm, people can come to understand that the harmonization process of light and shadow that occurs—though sometimes uncomfortable or painful—is temporary.

I feel great concern for those who are rashly seeking to awaken such a powerful spiritual energy without a true teacher or the maturity to understand the commitment of such a spiritual emergence. Kundalini is a 24-7 commitment. You cannot spit back up the "Red Pill." Spiritual emergence really is about the journey. As one of my teachers, Baba Muktananda says wisely in the title of a book he authored, "Where are you going?"

I encourage gentle, gradual awakenings whenever possible. I cannot say that this is always possible, however. We all have our own particular destinies and karmas.



What Matters Most

What matters most to me after all these years is not that I am surrounded by light and color and other mystical experiences, though they are all exquisitely beautiful and are an intrinsic part of who I am at present.

What matters most to me that I can consciously connect with my heart, and feel a love that is eternal no matter the outer circumstances of my life or temporary confusions of my intellect. What matters is that the transformed personality that I live with and through today is joyous, grateful, fun, creative, accepting, forgiving, compassionate, honest, caring, kind, generous, and light-hearted.

What matters to me is that I love myself and the people in my life with abundant joy and uplifting authenticity.

Loving and caring for people matters to me.

Kundalini and spiritual emergence is a healing transformative opportunity. Yet it is we, as spiritual beings and awakened participants, who need to take responsibility to actively move congruently with our own emerging energies. It is the loving collaboration and cooperation that ultimately evolves us toward complete healing, harmonization, balance and transformation. As my teacher says: self-effort and grace—two wings of a bird.

Spiritual emergence, no matter its name or form, is an opportunity to enter into our hearts and know Love.





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